


The Price of Bustiness

by PuruAi



Category: Hyperdimension Neptunia
Genre: Comedy, Courtroom Drama, Humor, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuruAi/pseuds/PuruAi
Summary: Affimojas goes to trial for trying to allegedly date a certain little blonde.
Kudos: 1





	The Price of Bustiness

_Planeptune Courthouse, 9:45 AM._

A cameraman was all set up, pointing the camera towards a certain pair of reporters…

"Good morning, Gamindustri! I'm Degekiko!"

"And I'm Famitsu!"

"And today we're here for the trial against the head of Affimax, Affimojas!", Dengekiko announced.

Famitsu spoke: "Any minute now, the defendant, who is accused of trying to date an underage girl, will try to make his case for the court. If convicted, he could face some serious jail time!"

"Oh, here he comes!", Degekiko interrupted, "He's getting out of his limousine now!"

A pair of officers escorted the hulking robo-man and his lawyer (a man-sized rodent in a suit) through the crowd and into the courthouse. The pair or reporters dashed up to the man and shoved their microphones into his face.

"Mr. Affimojas! Why did you think it was okay to try to date a little girl?", Famitsu asked.

"No comment."

Dengekiko spoke up next. "Is it true you wanted to show her off to your friends for points on social media?"

"Preposterous!", Affimojas snapped, "My only friend is into black-haired tsunderes anyway."

"Be quiet, you idiot!", the lawyer shushed Affimojas before they finally entered the courthouse.

The two reporters looked at each other before turning back towards the camera. "This is sure to be a heated trial! The prosecution today is none-other than the famed lawyer from Lowee, Ace Turney!", Famitsu announced.

"Ace Turney has a perfect record!", Dengekiko added. "Though, between you and me, they seem to bluff their way to victory most of the time…"

Famitsu nodded. "But enough of that. The trial's about to start, so we're heading on in. We'll be sure to fill you all in once the verdict has been revealed. In the meantime, here's a word from our sponsors!"

If you were watching this live report on television, you would be greeted by a commercial for the latest Planeptunian energy drink, "Nep Bull Zero". Nep Bull Zero: no sugar, same Neps.

_Planeptune Courtroom, Courtroom #2, 10:00AM._

The chatter from everyone in the audience filled the room until the voice of the bailiff spoke up in a powerful voice. "All rise for the esteemed judge, the honorary Judge Trucy."

As commanded, the audience stood up and waited for the judge to arrive. After a minute, everyone began to become confused, as the judge did not seem to arrive. A voice could be heard from the judge's desk: "Bailiff! Where are my boxes?!"

The bailiff flinched before quickly running over to the side of the room. "M-my apologies, your honor." They picked up three boxes and brought them behind the judge's desk. After placing the boxes onto the judge. "You may be seated", the judge announced.

Some of the people in the crowd were confused at the prospect of the judge being so… young. Judge Trucy hit her desk with her gavel. "Order, order! Haven't you seen a judge this young before?! Despicable!" The crowd silenced itself, intimidated by the aura of authority exuded by the lawli. "Now, is the prosecution ready?"

Ace Turney nodded with confidence. "Absolutely, your ho-"

"Objection!", the rodent man shouted.

Judge Trucy blinked a few times in disbelief. "What is the problem, prosecutor?"

"I, Lawyerchu, object to YOU, your honor!", the defense complained.

"Watch your tongue, mouse", the bailiff replied sternly.

"The judge will clearly be biased against my client, given her age, chu!", Lawyerchu spoke up.

Ace chuckled. "If your client truly did nothing wrong, they'd have nothing to worry about."

"I wouldn't have this job if I were biased", the judge replied. "Now, is the defense really?"

Lawyerchu grumbled. "Reluctantly, but yes."

Trucy nodded. "Good. Now, will the prosecution bring worth their first witness?"

Ace smirked. "With pleasure."

After a few moments, a short blonde woman entered the courtroom and took the stand. After being sworn in, Ace began to speak. "Name and profession for the record, please."

"I'm Abnes, defender of little girls everywhere!"

"How admirable!", Ace smiled. "Now, would you please tell us what you saw?"

Abnes nodded. "Well, I was lurking in the park in Planeptune. The one with the cherry blossoms. Then, I noticed the little girl walking about on her own. Naturally, for her own good, I followed her around in secret. Then, suddenly, she was approached by the defendant!"

Ace shrugged with a smug look on her face. "An airtight testimony. Your honor, your verdict, if you may."

"Indeed. I now declare the defendant, Affimojas, gui-"

"Objection!", Lawyerchu shouted. "I haven't even been able to cross-examine the witness!"

"Well, if you insist…", Ace crossed her arms.

Lawyerchu stepped away from the defendant's table and approached the witness stand. "Now, witness. Was there anything special about the plaintiff that day? Anything that stood out, chu?"

"No, not really…", Abnes replied.

Lawyerchu pointed towards the witness. menacingly. "This security footage says otherwise!"

"Security footage?", the judge repeated. "Well then, let's see it!"

Lawyerchu took out a flash drive and inserted it into the TV available in the courtroom. After a few moments, the recording began to play. In the footage, a certain blonde little girl was seen walking through the park. She looked at something off screen, then proceeded to transform right then and there, into a taller, well endowed young woman.

"As you can see, the plaintiff in question transformed into an adult! My client couldn't have known that they were dealing with a child under these circumstances!", Lawyerchu explained.

"Seems fair to me", the judge replied. "What does the prosecution have to say about this?"

Ace crossed her arms and shut her eyes in a moment of contemplation. "...That security footage appears to be outdated, your honor."

"O-outdated?!", the defense stuttered.

"Just so. Here is the _actual_ footage!" The defense moved over to the television and inserted a flashdrive of her own. In this version of the footage, recorded from a different angle, Affimojas was clearly in view, and was able to witness the girl's transformation firsthand. "As you can see, the defendant should have already known that he wasn't dealing with an actual adult!"

The audience reacted to this by breaking out into chatter, as Lawyerchu flinched as if he had taken damage. Affimojas wiped some "sweat" off his face (robot sweat?), nervously, and Ace chuckled to herself, satisfied with her work.

"Order, order!", the judge shouted as she banged her gavel. "What does the defense have to say about this?!"

"W-well, erm…", Lawyerchu was at a loss for words. He nervously looked through his papers and evidence, trying to find something that could help his case. He sighed in defeat, and began to utter: "The defense… res-"

"I would like to speak!", Affimojas spoke up.

"You idiot. You'll get yourself convicted!", Lawyerchu whispered.

"I will not sit aside idly for this. The only thing better than busty blondes is cold, hard cash. And I'm already good on cash!", Affimojas shouted.

"Mr. Affimojas, are you admitting to these charges?", the judge asked in a surprised tone.

"I am innocent. Such a gorgeous body couldn't belong to someone so young! What's wrong with dating a woman with the mind of a child?!"

"A woman with a mind of a child, or a child with the body of a woman?", Ace asked.

Affimojas was silent for a moment. "...Yes." The audience began to roar at this response.

Ace turned to the judge. "Your honor…"

"I think I've heard enough. With the power invested in me by the Goddess Purple Heart, I declare the defendant, Affimojas… Guilty."

"Why did I even bother…", Lawyerchu grumbled to himself as he brought his hands up to cover his face.

Trucy banged her gavel a few times to silence the audience. "Is there anything you'd like to say to the plaintiff's party?"

"Why yes, I would. I shall profess my love for her for all to witness, in this very courtroom!", Affimojas replied proudly.

After a few moments, the young blonde was brought into the room. Her face lit up as she instantly recognized the hulking suit of armor that is Affimojas. "Hey! It's the nice guy who bought me pudding!"

"W-wait, this isn't the form I was attracted to, I swear it. It's that busty form she can take that has captured my heart!", Affimojas blurted out.

"Busty…?", Peashy looked on in confusion for a brief moment. "Oh, you want me to go big again? Sure!" In the next instant, the girl was enveloped by light, and her form changed completely to a woman possessing the qualities that has, in the past, even made the other goddesses envious.

"Such beauty! The pinnacle of busty blondes! I am blessed to have been able to spend time with you, no matter how brief it was!", Affimojas knelt down before the sight of Yellow Heart, in complete awe.

"How charming", Ace shrugged. "Still illegal, though."

"Yeah, you pervert! She's still just a child!", Abnes shouted from the witness stand.

"I think that's enough. Take him away, bailiff", the judge ordered with a bang of her gavel. "And bring in the dancing dogoomen!"

As Affimojas was handcuffed and taken away, a herd of dogoomen with admirable abs marched and and began to dance. A disco ball descended from the ceiling and everyone began to dance.

Yellow Heart reverted to her normal form and waved at Affimojas as he was being escorted out of the courtroom. "Bye, mister! Thanks again for the pudding!"

Affimojas looked back one last time at Peashy. Though it wasn't apparent due to the fact that his mouth is simply not visible, he smiled. "Absolutely worth it."


End file.
